I saw this one Facebook a while ago, but it's just so funny I had to keep it for future generations. It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true.
Enjoy a good laugh and remember...A sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
It snowed a few inches this week. It was finally warm enough for Christian to go out and play in the snow for a little while. It almost took longer to bundle him up than he was outside playing. Dave taught him how to make a snow angel. Christian loves to get out there and play in the snow. Hopefully we'll get some more snow for him to play in before the season is over. (I don't actually wish for more snow, but I know we will get some....and for his sake...I wish for more snow.)
Thanks to Aunt Jeanna and the girls for the hat and scarf. They worked great!!
Thanks to Momslikeme.com-Denver I was able to win 4 tickets to see the Denver Nuggets play the Dallas Mavericks. I've never seen an NBA game live before and I'm not a big basketball lover, but all sports are more fun live than on TV, right? We had some pretty good seats and I just didn't want to pass them up. So, even though it was last minute, I managed to find a couple of friends to go to the game with us. Dave's parents watched Christian for us since the game was late. We took Grayson with us. It was a good game and a lot of fun! Thankfully, Grayson was a good baby during the game (he's such a good baby most of the time that I wasn't too worried...that was, of course, until he screamed the whole car ride to pick up our friends).
Once we got to the Pepsi Center Grayson was happy and content. Dave and I got some food (you know...the over priced, cold stadium food....YUMM!) and enjoyed the first quarter of the game. But then it was time for me to feed Grayson. So I missed half of the 2nd quarter. Thankfully I got back just before half time. Grayson slept through most of the rest of the game.
The game was pretty exciting. The Nuggets were losing the better part of the 2nd half and I had lost hope of us winning. People were leaving before the game was over, but I'm sure they are sad they left. We started to catch up, and then we were ahead, and then we were behind and then we were tied and then...We scored the winning shot right at the final buzzer. It was pretty loud in the stadium...Grayson woke up.
All in all...we had a fantastic time. I'm glad we went to the game, even though it was last minute. It's hard for us to do such spontaneous events with small children, but it was nice to know that we still have it in us. We were VERY tired the next morning, though. Kids just don't understand the need to sleep in.
Did I mention we had to go to 9News to pick up the tickets? It was a highlight for Christian to see where they do the "Colorado News", even though we only got to see the lobby. He's pretty easy to please!
I took the boys to the Aquarium recently and we had so much fun. I wish it was more affordable. I understand it costs a lot to maintain all of those fish, etc, but I just can't afford $42 for our family to visit. Especially when you can only stay 2-3 hours with small kids. I had a coupon to visit, so I thought I'd take advantage of it, but Dave wasn't able to go. :( We still had fun, but we missed having Daddy with us. He knows a lot more about fish, sharks, and general ocean facts than I do. I guess I need to study up because Christian has been telling me all week he's going to be a sea diver when he grows up.
We were able to see the sharks and stingrays be fed as well as the tigers. We saw a lot of fish, snakes, birds, turtles, sharks, jellyfish, plants, and many other things while at the Aquarium (we can't forget Nemo and Dory). We even got to pet the stingrays!
But the most fun part for Christian was watching two workers clean out the gravel from the turtle's habitat. He sat and watched them scoop out nets full of tiny gravel. He asked 800 million questions and just couldn't get enough of it. After a long time I finally convinced him to go see other exhibits, but he went running back to see them clean the gravel out only a couple minutes later. I don't know what was so fascinating. He really wanted to help, but I told him he had to be older before he could get a job there. He told me he'd work there when he was 5. haha (They were cleaning out the small gravel to replace it with bigger rocks. The turtles were eating the tiny rocks and it was hurting their digestive systems. I know you wanted to know!!)
I feel very fortunate that we had a nice older couple, who volunteer at the Aquarium, give us a little of a tour. They were so helpful in answering all of Christian's questions (he had A LOT!). I'm glad that we left the Aquarium having quite a bit more knowledge of all of the different species that live in the ocean as well as the freshwater species, too. I felt like the trip was fun and very educational, too. Grayson slept through half of our visit, but he had a good time gazing at the sharks. It will be so fun once he's a little older and can participate in our activities more than just being present.
I can't decide which pictures were the best, so I'm just throwing in a bunch that I liked from our visit. If you're in Denver and have the opportunity, visit the Denver Aquarium. It really is a neat place!
I have really enjoyed watching Christian grow up. He is getting so big. And while he continually physically grows, his mind is growing 5X faster! I can't seem to keep up with him. So many times a day he says funny things. I've decided I need to write them down so I don't forget. I've lost track of what order they were said, but I don't think it matters. They are all from the past month. And this is just a small sample of his funny comments.
I had just opened one of Grayson's toys from Christmas and Christian immediately swipes it from Grayson. I told him to give the toy back and his reply, "But Mom, I'm just testing it."
Me singing Jingle Bells: "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh..." Christian starts screaming at the top of his lungs. I ask him what's wrong and he said I needed to stop singing that song because dashing through the snow is dangerous.
Christian brought me a tiny (I'm talking itty, bitty) piece of a stick and told me his brain was coming out of his head.
Just recently Christian brings in a bag of Goldfish while I'm getting ready for the day. He tells me he's trying to read what it said. I ask him what it says and he pretends to read, "You can eat them." Nice try, Christian. We aren't having goldfish for breakfast.
And our most recent quotable of the day...."I don't want to eat lunch, because I want to be dead." And for full effect, he put on his skeleton costume.
Notice, he also dumped all of the play food on the floor to have a picnic. Grayson is in the background helping himself to some plastic food.
I really need to write down more of the things he says. He's just so funny! I can't wait for Grayson to start talking. I'm sure he'll be equally funny!
Editor's Note: Christian is dressed in costume for most things he does. He is currently an astronaut with a fireman badge and snowboots on.
Brrrrrrr! It was cold here in Colorado. We had some pretty low temperatures (-19*F with a windchill in the -30*F range) and it was getting to be a bit much for the kids. On one or two days we didn't even get above 0*F. We felt trapped in our house for too long. I tried to keep them occupied, but they just didn't want to see the same four walls any longer. We are happy that we are warming up again (It's currently in the 50's). And we can't wait for spring!! We have had a really mild winter this year so far. I'm sure we'll have a blizzard in March to make up for the lack of snow this year. But we'll take the warm while we have it.
Here are some pictures of the kids while we were stuck inside.